They come in a great variety

of sizes and shapes.

Whether you wish to find

or avoid them in your travels,

The Black Hole Hunter's Guide

is the most complete and accurate

source of information.

You should think of this book as analogous

to a mushroom hunter's guide,

always keeping in mind the distinction

between mushrooms and toadstools—

a person not thoroughly schooled

who wants to savor black holes

may discover ignorance can result

in one of them devouring you

rather than your experiencing the reverse.

Properly approached

(keep in mind for further comparison

any good birdwatcher's handbook),

these can be your friends

and a constant source

of intellectual nourishment.

Fitted with the proper eye and ear gear,

the devout hunter

will be able to see where the black hole,

shy creature, almost lurks,

weaving light and electromagnetic chatter

into a nest of camouflage,

and perhaps even hear its cry.

The call each produces

to announce its territory

is as distinctive

as the varieties of birdcall.

You may order a copy of the guide

on a thirty-day free trial,

available from the publisher of

Dwarf Stars for Dummies.

and Meteorites' 40 Greatest Hits.

Order now:

copies are vanishing quickly from the shelves.