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Track 01. In Da Lab

Hey raptors, it’s your birthday!
It’s your first day here on this Earth day!
We’re clinking glasses of the finest champagne
To tell the masses that we won this campaign!

Now take a dip inside your gene pool
Don’t give us lip about where you’ve been, fool
You’re sure to make a name after your ancestors
and the Hall of Fame DNA paid by our investors

So you can thank us, the scientists
‘cause we’re the only ones trying this
for all the entrepreneurs on our client list
Not a chance you’d be alive
Not one chance you’d survive
if they weren’t so hell bent on buying shit!

But wait a minute, we never stopped to wonder
what would happen if you got loose
And now we’re in it; we’ve made a blunder
So much for trapping the next Dr. Seuss…

 

Track 02. Battlefield

Now let me tell you a story
(You’ll forgive me if it’s a little gory)
Won’t you listen to my ditty
about dinosaurs in the city?

It’s where beatboxing raptors claw into a rap battle
Intimidating captors, while looking to rattle
all of our nerves as they spit their rhymes
Got what we deserve, blood pressure climbs…

Hang onto your hats, ‘cause this is only a diversion
Say g’bye to those tats, gonna need a fly surgeon
when they’re done with you, tearing fresh flesh apart
I know this much is true: They’re about to get your heart

You’re gonna wish all they did was open-mic slaughter
You’re gonna bitch off your lid that we don’t still got her
in a cage, with a muzzle, trapped in with electric fencing
In a rage, this a puzzle, wrapped in mystery, all tense and—

I’m gonna blow, they’re gonna know, come running after me
Hunting skills are elite, rapping over a beat, how will I get free?
Tell me how it ends, which way the story bends, what’ll the verdict be?
Who’s the winner, and who’s for dinner? Hope to god it ain’t too late to flee…

They’re world-class rappers
Unlikely toe tappers
Popping and locking
Gotten this whole place rocking
Not sure if I’m getting chills
‘cause they’ve got some skills—

Or ‘cause they’re about to crush us
and make sure death don’t only brush us!

 

Track 03. Airwaves & Human Graves

Last name SOAR, first name DINE
Rearrange the order, make it a straight line
Then right in the center, dig a little hole…
‘cause my initial in the middle’s a big fat O!

DINE O. SOAR
DINE O. SOAR
Now say it once more
But take it a bit slower

Dinosaauurrrr!
Dinoooossaaaauuuuuuurrrrrrr!

DINE, ‘cause I’m always hungry,
not the kind to let a meal run free
SOAR, ‘cause your body’s flying
through the air now for even trying
and last but not least
(it’s past time for a feast)
O, ‘cause that’s the shape your mouth will make
knowing I’m about to taste you like a piece of cake!

DINE O. SOAR
DINE O. SOAR

Now say it once more
But give me a big roar

Dino-raawwrrrr!
Dinooo-rraaaaawwwwwwwwrrrrrrrr!

When you hear our song wafting through the radio
You’ll fear you were wrong deciding to study paleo
No more of our bones in the ground left for you to find
You’re all alone, you’re going down, and now you’re finally mine…

 

Track 04. Certified Platinumb

Not much has changed since our last meeting
They’re still top-ranked; their fame ain’t fleeting
These prehistoric creatures are getting lit now
Their photogenic features are quite the hit now

Magazines sending offers to pose for the body issue
with washboard ab shots they chose just to diss you
You see them sitting courtside at the NBA Finals
They even had the foresight there to shop their vinyls

Those LP records, they’ve gone platinum!
These billboard records, they’re gonna flatten ‘em!
Like puny little humans that don’t got no fat in ‘em!

Now they live in a giant mansion decorated with our skeletons,
a grotesque scene once reserved for Halloween,
and a customized gym expansion to make room for Pelotons

You’ve lost all feeling in both your legs now
Your mind’s still reeling from all the X now
They know who’s dealing but still they’re stealing
and throwing epic parties to keep the kegs around

 

Track 05. In Da Rehab

Hey raptors, it’s your birthday!
It’s your “happy first year on this Earth” day!
We’re sorry to hear that it’s your worst day
‘cause you almost OD’d on last Thursday!



Susan L. Lin is a Taiwanese American storyteller who hails from southeast Texas and holds an MFA in Writing from California College of the Arts. Her novella Goodbye to the Ocean won the 2022 Etchings Press novella prize, and her short prose and poetry have appeared in over fifty different publications. Find more at susanllin.wordpress.com.
Current Issue
2 Dec 2024

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By: E.M. Linden
Podcast read by: Jenna Hanchey
In this episode of the Strange Horizons Fiction podcast, Michael Ireland presents A Cure for Solastalgia by E.M. Linden, read by Jenna Hanchley. Subscribe to the Strange Horizons podcast: Spotify
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