Ladders (Product Warning)
It is not advised
that you attempt
an additional step
after reaching the top
of this stepladder.
People have been known to do so
landing on the moon.
Others have been attacked
by particularly territorial
and predatory flocks of clouds.
Still others have taken this ill-advised step
and found themselves mysteriously
enlisted in a V formation of Canadian geese;
and, almost before they knew it,
were stranded in the Caribbean
without a passport
or even a Cayman Islands bank account
and suffering from extremely sore arms.
Spitwad Hall of Fame
Here's the one that hit the teacher
when his back was turned at the blackboard.
Here's the one that changed
a potential girlfriend's mind
about going out with you.
Here's the one with Elvis's profile.
Here's the largest one in existence.
Here's the smallest.
Here's the exit
for those who came in
The Ghostly Barber Shop
Since hair is rumored to grow after death,
there is also said to be
a certain barber shop
where, after midnight,
the dead congregate for a trim.
The barber, cold fingers still
fastened to his clippers,
emerges from sleep in the mirror
and takes them in order
each number came up.
Hair dissolves like fog
as it touches the linoleum floor.
Before daylight, these return to their graves,
bringing the good news of a new image
to their particular bodies.
In the dark, they embrace
who they used to be.