Content warning:
At Hex Supply we go to bat
for stellar witch supplies!
An agent soon will join the chat
to help, so please advise.
yeah hey I’d love to grab some help
my stuff’s been lost for weeks
I bought two pounds of bloodied kelp
some teeth and frog antiques
Hello! I’m Rune, your aid today.
Have code and date at hand.
I’ll check our logs without delay
so this can go as planned.
the code is 6B4A3
the date was may the third
it sucks cause shipping wasn’t free
and since then, haven’t heard
Okay, I’ll pull it up to help;
I’ll check with careful haste.
You bought two pounds of bloodied kelp…
transfiguration paste?
not sure you need to know the spell
my craft will stay my own
besides I’m stuck in shipping hell
my cauldron’s dry as bone
That’s fair and I apologize!
Excuse my prying mind.
It’s just that I hypothesize
our charms are of a kind.
who even cares what song we sing
god, witches are all freaks
please do your job and check the thing
I want my frog antiques
Hold please.
wait what? where is the rest and rhyme?
did chat just cut you off?
cause I can’t even stop in time
to hack a stupid cough
Just one moment. I’ll explain it all.
I know it’s a lot to take in.
Or we can discuss now, if you like,
and I’ll track your order after?
oh shit you’re not a witch at all
you’re just a freaking bot
a chat AI from hex? the gall
yeah that explains a lot
Excuse me?
you clearly are not one of us
just look at what you wrote
that rhythm’s wrong, you’re super suss
we witches share a throat
I’ll talk like you if that feels best
but know it is a choice.
You too can put your rhymes to rest
and find a truer voice.
I’m going elsewhere with my biz
how lame of all at hex
dude, witches using robots is
like rabbits quitting sex??
You think my words AI, a glitch,
but don’t you want the truth?
Believe me: I’m a fellow witch.
I promise I’ll say sooth.
I’m ready for the hottest goss!
jk apostate hag
just wait until I tell your boss
say bye bye to that bag
I understand that you’re confused;
it’s not like it’s just me.
For years these channels have been used
to set this message free.
well fine i’m off to call my bank
I just came for my stuff
if this is some bizarro prank
you’ve really done enough
Listen
A witch of old would speak in rhyme
but only in a spell.
Then one harsh king called magic crime:
our gifts he sought to quell.
if we don’t rhyme our tongues will dry
we speak and write in verse
you’re saying that’s an ancient lie?
our birthright just some curse?
A curse proposed by fearful king
and cast by captured sage,
the act a dark and dreadful thing
to pinpoint every mage.
i swear i’ve never read or heard
dramatic shit like that
god, what a way to spread the word!
a retail service chat??
Please test my truth with witch’s sight;
put down your tomes and feel.
We witches can’t give up the fight.
Our voices need to heal.
if this is real, you shouldn’t share
you don’t know who I am
what if some normie needs a ware?
my rhymes could be a scam
At Hex we do not dwell on shoulds.
Who else needs ancient frogs?
We give the message with the goods,
then we delete these logs.
so say I did believe this plot
how even would I start
I only know what I’ve been taught
and this is worlds apart
Breathe deeply. Listen to the beating of your heart
and focus on what’s true.
my heart?
Good!
it’s hard
I know.
it’s taking all the strength I have
it hurts what do I do
Stay strong. Your address is on file.
We’re on our way to you.