Watergate

is a quaint bedtime story

Why send minions

on clandestine capers

when I can move like air

through my rival's HQ

caressing surveillance cameras

and blowing whisper kisses

in security guards' ears

I'm too old to run for president

but identity theft has knocked off a few years

I'm supermodel thin

and the body suit I wear

(bandages are HMO-shabby)

adds additional firmness

No cash on cosmetic surgery,

zero time on hair and makeup,

leaves more of me for you, dear voter

A woman president is nothing new,

but an invisible woman president—that's change

My opponents are hesitant

to mention my condition

(no one says "disability")

I am able to infiltrate terrorist tunnels—

my foreign policy platform—

but a fix for the economy, alas, remains

invisible.