Size / / /

I sighed and stared down my sights at the zombie.
How many more could I claim with my shotgun?
I played games, pretending each was some Buddha
making his way up the road to stalk
me and drag me to Nirvana.
I pulled my trigger. Another one fell.

I admit: in my youth I pulled the trigger for more fell
purposes than killing zombies.
Life on the South Side was no Nirvana.
I had only one friend, my shotgun,
but I held no anger. I stalked
and killed for money with the peace of a Buddha.

I should have had a statue: the Murdering Buddha.
They could have told my legend, how my supplicants fell
at my feet, their bodies shed like stalks
of corn in the field, as though they were zombies
and my freeing words a shotgun
sending them straight to Nirvana.

But there is no Nirvana.
He's a liar, that goddamn Buddha.
If I ever met him, I'd heft my shotgun
and deal him a fell
blow like any other zombie.
There is only Hell on earth, where the dead stalk

the streets by day and stalk
your sleep by night to drag you to their anti-Nirvana.
Then you join the zombies
and feast and gorge until you have a Buddha
belly. Your character long gone, it fell
by the wayside like a spent shell casing from a shotgun.

I pull a beer from my backpack and shotgun
it. It no longer matters who stalks
whom. Perhaps it's time I fell
for the lie, bought into Nirvana.
Maybe then the Buddha
would come and save me from the zombies.

My world has shrunk to zombies and a shotgun.
Perhaps I am the Buddha, and I stalk
Nirvana to begin the cycle of life again. They'll thank me, those who fell.




Look for the Conjure Man’s first novel The Patron Saint of Necromancers. Stefon Mears also has eight more novels to his credit, along with an MFA in Creative Writing and a BA in Religious Studies. Look for him online at www.stefonmears.com, @stefonmears on Twitter and Google+. Monthly newsletter at stefonmears.com/join.
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14 Apr 2025

back-legg-ed, puppy shaped and squirmy
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On June 4th, we will be opening for speculative fiction novelette submissions between the word count of 10,000 and 18,000 words. We will cap submissions at 300.
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On November 3rd, we will be opening for speculative fiction stories written by Indigenous authors. We will be capping submissions at 500.
The formula for how to end the world got published the same day I married the girl who used to bully me in middle school. We found out about it the morning after, on the first day of our honeymoon in Cozumel. I got out of the shower in our small bungalow and Minju was sitting in bed, staring at her laptop.
In this episode of Strange Horizons at 25, editor Kat Kourbeti talks to Charlie Jane Anders about her Strange Horizons publications dating all the way back to 2002, charting her journey as a writer and her experience with the magazine over 20 years, as well as her love for community events and bringing people together.
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