Last time, we listened to something from the series called Hall of Fantasy. Today, we will listen to a show from Dark Fantasy, which is a different kind of fantasy altogether. The name of the show is "The House of Bread" (December 26, 1941). Illustrious Acquaintance says it sounds kind of religious, but what if ... WHAT. IF. this is about an actual house made of bread! That does magic! The prospect of this is very exciting, so without further ado!
Someone just said Dark. Fantasy. and it sounded like he was either really sleepy or about to sneeze
Someone called Scott Bishop is a writer and is going to tell us just the weirdest thing ever
I AM READY FOR THIS
So far someone has burned incense, an organ was playing and ScottBishop fell asleep
Excited for this to get more exciting
OK he’s dreaming about being on top of something very high and looking around please be more exciting ScottBishop
Someone said why do you sigh my son and it wasn’t ScottBishop
ScottBishop is having feelings about something idk and the other dude said maybe you are looking for the truth whaaaaa don’t do that, come on
ScottBishop just asked What is the Truth noooooo don’t do that, ask about zombie bread houses!
ScottBishop seems upset about the truth?
DON’T LOOK FOR IT THEN SCOTTBISHOP LOOK FOR A ZOMBIE HOUSE MADE OF SUPERNATURAL MULTIGRAIN INSTEAD
The other guy keeps calling him my son so maybe it’s his dad idk
I have no idea what these two are talking about tbh
So I think the other dude is telling ScottBishop his name and it’s "I am the way and the truth and the light"
This is a Christian story isn’t it
No house of bread yet. Hope to hear about it soon
Now they are talking about the Bible
This is looking more and more like a Christian story and less and less like a zombie house of bread story
It’s always a little awkward, as a non-Christian, to listen to Christian-themed shows because I often don’t know what they are talking about but at the same time, one doesn’t want to seem like an uncool heathen and yet, one almost always ends up sounding like an uncool heathen anyway
Oh the other dude’s name is Word apparently
What would happen if I refused to see the symbolism here and just pretended Word was a common American surname
What if this show is a half-hour metaphor for life?
If it’s a half-hour metaphor for writing I’m going to kill myself
We’re not even five minutes into this show omg
They are still talking to each other and I don’t really know what they are saying
Let’s not forget, all this is apparently a dream!
ScottBishop is looking for things like truth and happiness and peace which is cool I guess but not as cool as a zombie house of bread justsayin
So Word aka the other dude said if ScottBishop wants to find all these weird things, he needs to find the house of bread
And thusly, the dream ends thank god
ScottBishop does not tell anyone about this dream
Which is a good thing because it wasn’t such a great dream tbh
He didn’t even tell Sonia
I predict Sonia will be the only female character in this show and her sole purpose will be to provide something for ScottBishop to talk to
ScottBishop is going to tell his boss that he wants to find the house of bread
Wow ScottBishop is apparently a famous writer selling all the books and making all the money and getting all the commissions to write
I want to be ScottBishop
If I was ScottBishop I would not be leaving all this to find a house of bread
How I was hoping this would be about an actual house made out of bread that also turned people into bread. Or small buns
“So I’ve worked hard and maybe I’m a success”—I can honestly say I have never, ever heard anyone say this irl
Illustrious Acquaintance says this might be because mah peeps aren’t successful people which is super rude but also probably true
I’m sorry everyone for saying that
But none of y'all read this so whatever
Now it looks like ScottBishop is recounting the whole dream et al to his boss but thankfully we don’t have to listen to it
Now here’s Sonia!
Sonia understands everything because she is just the cat’s whiskers and the bees knees
Basically ScottBishop has been saying stuff and Sonia has been like I gotchu fam
They have no idea where to begin to look for the house of bread and they don’t think it’s an actual house BUT WHAT IF IT IS
They are on the way to Vegas I think
Kinda just sounds like they are taking a road trip so far and its not so interesting
Sonia is keeping a diary. This is also not so interesting
Thanks to the diary, we can hear about all the places they have been to which has basically been America
Now they are going to London
There’s a gong that’s been going off for a very long time and I don’t know why
Oh Big Ben maybe? But why tho?
Anyway, they have basically been sightseeing in London
They have gone to Paris and Madrid, where again, they just seemed to be sightseeing
It looks like they think the house of bread is located in tourist hotspots
“No Spaniard had ever heard of the house of bread”—I’ll just leave this here cos it’s cute
Now they are in Morocco. Uh oh.
Let’s see, he’s mentioned dirty streets, shabby buildings and unkempt markets
MUST BE MOROCCO I GUESS
Now they are being tourists in Tripoli
Now they are being tourists and slightly offensive in Cairo
Now they are just telling us the dates because I guess they ran out of places to see
It’s Christmas and they are in Jerusalem OK I’m guessing this is where they will find the house of bread because Jesus and also because there is only about 4 minutes left thank all the gods
There’s a big star? In a storm? I think?
I guess they are following the star now
They can’t find a place to stay because all the places are filled
THIS SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE ONE ANOTHER FAMOUS STORY WOW
They got into some place and there is an old man there
IT’S WORD HAI WORD
Oh is Word supposed to be God? Idk
Is he Jesus?
Illustrious Acquaintance thought they were both the same hahaha silly heathen
Are they the same?
I googled and found "Who is the God of Jesus" which also seems like a good question
I guess they found the house of bread? Yay?
Oh Bethlehem means house of bread.
See if I had known this earlier I probably wouldn’t have had expectations of a zombie house made out of bread that turned people into bread. Or small buns
Now I just feel like a silly, uncool heathen
Also I’m sorry for somehow insinuating that Bethlehem was a zombie house of bread
It’s always embarrassing when you think a story is going to be about a zombie bread house and it turns out to be a religious-themed story. That is what has happened today. Also, in my last column I wondered why there were no fantasy stories dealing with Christian god/s! And here one is! Maybe the Christian god/s are dealt with a little differently from Kali, but who are we to nitpick, 'tis a fantasy story nonetheless. I can’t think of anything else to say about this.